Marionette Lover
by Psycofoxx
Summary: How does it feel to be straight in a world of only men? (rated for sexual innuendos)


Marionette Lover

     She smiles from the canvas, surrounded by a fall off brown hair and the unreal roses in her hands. She seems like she would be a very kind person, someone who one could trust with my problems and worries. If only I could forget that she is, in part, the reason for my problem. I have dreams about her sometimes, this last human female; only when I do, she's flesh and blood, more than a picture. Her soft white hands touch my cheek and,…… NO! I will Not go into this again. 

    Frustrated,  I turn around and quickly began to leave the museum. Who am kidding? I am the problem, not some picture, I brought this on myself. Why couldn't I just be normal? In my haste to move I don't notice Akira and his friends until I almost bump into them.

   "Hey, if it isn't Ishida." Akira says smugly, as he notices me, "I've got a new dolly you might like, if you promise not to do anything indecent to it."  His buddies roar with laughter at his comment.

    "Leave me alone Akira," I say trying to edge around them, "I have to get to work."

    "I bet you do you pervert, you have to go make sure all those marionettes are working properly, it's a shame that you don't work right. Maybe you should find a doctor to cure your machine fetish." Akira says moving to black my path.

   "Yeah Ishida," his friend chimes in "you're supposed to oil the gears not get them all sticky."

    Akira grabs my arm as I try to again to move past him, "What's the hurry Ishida? Afraid those soulless machines are going to get lonely without you? Maybe we should just tell your boss he's got a marionette loving pervert working for him, then he can fire you."

      "Stop it Akira!" a blessedly familiar voice cuts in over the taunts. Tanaka stands glowering at them from beneath his blond head. Akira snorts and then pushes me toward my friend. 

     "Here to save the pervert again, huh?" he sneers "If you love him so much, maybe you should cut off you dick, so he'll like you." His friends laugh then begin chanting "Marionette lover" as we walk away.

    "Are you alright?" Tanaka asked, concern in his blue eyes. He lays a gentle hand on my shoulder as we walk.

    "Yeah, I'm fine. I just wish they'd leave me alone for once." The moment I say it I wish I could take it back, Tanaka's eyes go hard and angry.

     "I could make them stop" he growls curling his hand into a fist. I know he wants to protect me, but he'd get hurt fighting all of them. 

    "I'm really alright." I say forcing a smile. "We should hurry up or we'll be late for work." Then I began running ahead of him. 

     It seems to work for awhile, he laughs and chases after me until we reach the front of the shop. The day seems to go relatively smoothly. A couple maids with broken fuses, and a factory marionette with a wire torn in her arm. While we work, Tanaka seems content with the problem at hand and, doesn't mention the earlier trouble at all, until the end of the day. 

    As night falls over Japoness, we start closing up the shop. The boss left hours earlier, leaving the evening customers for us to handle. When we lock up door and start to leave, Tanaka turns to me, his face goes serious, lacking all of the former merriness. "Ishida" he begins, "How long are you going to pretend that nothing is wrong? You always run from those guys, and say that it doesn't upset you, but I know it does. Listen to me, you can't have those guys chasing you and insulting you all the time. It isn't right."

    How can I tell him that it isn't really an insult? Everything they say is true. I am a pervert. A stupid sick person who looks at marionettes when there are real people all around him. Can I tell him that? How could he even look at me if he knew? In the end, how could anyone as kind as Tanaka ever want to be around someone like me if they knew the truth? "Tanaka," I say trying to avoid the subject that I know will come, "It really doesn't bother me. Words can't hurt, so there's no use in going on about it."

    "What about when Akira grabbed your arm today? Was that just words? What would have happened if I wasn't there to help you? What will happen next time?" Tanaka's voice grows as he speaks, concern and frustration over me getting the bast of him.

     "I don't want to talk about this tonight Tanaka, I'm tired."

     "You never want to talk about" he says, bracing for an argument, then he stops and sighs subdued "Fine." He says softly, before turning and heading towards his own apartment. A spot of gold against the night as he walks away. I watch until he leaves, then make my own way home.

     I collapse into the futon almost immediately after I slide the door shut, and curl up under the covers. I can't deal with this, I want him to know the truth but, how can I tell him? Would he hate me for it? And what about the others? They don't want freaks working at the repair shop, or living in the apartment complex. I could lose my job, my home, but most importantly, I could lose Tanaka's friendship. In reality,  I don't want him to know the truth, I want to change the truth. I want to be able to love him the way that he loves me. I just can't. I've tried, I've wanted too so badly but, every time I try to picture him in my mind, as more than a friend, as a lover, my lover; he stops looking like himself. Every time I imagine him with me, without trying, I begin to focus on his slender wrists, and the graceful curve of his chin, focusing on his more feminine features until he almost looks like a woman. In the end the fact remains that I'm too abnormal to love normally. I can't even see past my freakish desires to accept my friends feelings. 

    I stare at the far wall and listen to the sounds of the apartment complex at night, as I wonder why I have to be this way, why I can't seem to change. I am a freak. A pervert. 

     The night grows on, the night birds emerge over the city, men sleep in each others arms, and a soulless painting smiles out at an empty room in the museum. I close my eyes and fade into the darkness. What's wrong with me?

  I decided to write this because I was thinking that a straight person in Japoness, would probably face the same problems that a gay person does today. This was simply an attempt to capture the loneliness and uncertainty of a person coming of  age, when their feelings aren't the norm. Please review and tell me how I did. Pleeeeeeaaaaassseee.


End file.
